As we at the Takery have explained over and over again, the best takes lack any type of substantive analysis and always opt for buzzwords over logic.

Well, leave it to undisputed master takist Steve Simmons to deliver a column so devoid of analysis, so bereft of logic, and so chock full of #words that it leaves us completely breathless.

In his piping hot October 27 column in The Toronto Sun, Simmons laments all the problems with the Toronto Maple Leafs. Is it because they are a bad possession team? Are they suffering from a woeful PDO? Is the goaltending just not up to snuff?

Hell no! All the answers to those questions, no matter how relevant, would require Simmons to slip on a fireman’s suit — something that he would undoubtedly never do. Instead he opted for #words.

How deep into the art of hot takery did Simmons go? Well, you be the judge. Here are some of the myriad #words that Simmons brought up when criticizing the Leafs:

1) Lack of self-awarness:

This is a team lacking in self awareness.

*This is particularly rich given that Steve Simmons is pretty much a master in lack of self-awareness.

2) Identity:

They have no real identity. There is no Maple Leafs way to play.

3) Hockey intellect:

This collection of talent is lacking in hockey intellect. It doesn’t seem to be able to read situations properly or react to them.

4) Leadership:

Yes, there are leadership concerns with the roster, not so much from one man wearing a ‘C’ but from a group which needs to inspire change on a nightly basis.

5) #Words:

Then [Maple Leafs coach Randy Carlyle] listed off words: Passion. Compete. Relentless. Desire.

Cap all those steaming hot #words off with an unnecessary and wholly irrelevant jab at Nazem Kadri and BAM! You got yourself one piping hot Steve Simmons take.

Honestly, I don’t think that we’ve read anything so devoid of intelligent thought since the founding of the Takery. And as loyal readers of Steve Simmons, that’s saying a lot.