By | March 1, 2015

There are some players in the NHL who are straight up teflon — no matter what they do, the takists will always praise them as Good Old Hockey Boys. That is unless Phil Kessel Ruins them.

In his steaming hot Sunday rambling, master takist Steve Simmons argues that just that happened with one Tyler Bozak. The “star” Toronto Maple Leafs forward and once media darling has descended down the path of Kesseldom, and now it’s time to throw him under the bus.

Consider the title of Steve’s sub-section detailing just how bad Kessel has made it for Bozak:


Now, those of you who look at garbage nonsense like C.O.R.S.I. stats and the like are probably laughing pretty hard at that. Like, really really hard. And it’s probably because if you actually look at the numbers, watch the game, etc. etc. you’d be able to come to the conclusion that the above statement is piping hot bullshit.

But it’s actually not.

So what does Steve provide to support his case? Not stats of course — that would be breaking one of the tenets of piping hot takery. No, we don’t need any research to prove why Kessel is making Bozak bad. We can just infer it based on how he’s been treating the Toronto takists lately:

This is among the reasons the Leafs would like to rid themselves of Kessel. He is different and works differently than most NHL stars. If it works for him, so be it and most of the time it has. But when it begins to influence others, negatively — Bozak has also turned into an interview malcontent when once he was a reasonable subject — then the Leafs realize why they must move him in a rebuilding time.

Now that is a steamer if I’ve ever seen it. This is pretty much the only evidence that Steve presents, and it of course inserts himself into the story. If you don’t think this is a piping hot take then I don’t know what to tell you.

And notice that Steve isn’t just saying that Bozak is bad now because he won’t talk to the media. He’s also suggesting that the Leafs trade Bozak because of this. Sit there and think about that for a minute, but watch out — this takes is so scorching that you might catch a fever.

We at the Hot Takery haven’t seen much out of Steve lately, but we’re happy to see he’s still cranking out the steamers.