MAPLE LEAFS JOIN CORSI-WRESTLING LEAGUE

Following Randy Carlyle’s departure from Toronto, the analytics crowd has been very eager to see how a coaching change would affect the Maple Leafs ability to control puck possession. The stats crowd has been attentively watching the gamesspreadsheets to see just how great the impact would be under the leadership of Peter Horachek.

With Carlyle’s firing solidifying their position in the newly formed Corsi Hockey League, the Maple Leafs have forgotten to focus on winning games in pursuit of the postseason Corsi Trophy.

In fact, things have gotten so dire that the Maple Leafs have stopped playing hockey entirely and are now focused on a brand new form of competition: Corsi-Wrestling.

Luckily for those who think that hockey should be watched on the ice and not on the spreadsheets, expert volcanic takist Damien Cox has come to save the day with these face-melting takes via Twitter.

“The over-the-top praise Leafs are receiving for new keep-the-shots-down approach suggests many have lost concept idea is to win the game”

“In other words, there is no post-season Corsi award”

“Like, people do remember that Randy Carlyle’s team beat the Kings earlier this season, yes? Didn’t just Corsi-wrestle them?”

Wow. Seems that all of the celebration over Carlyle’s firing may have been a bit premature. Back in those days, the Leafs played hockey and they tried to win. Now under new leadership, they just Corsi-Wrestle with the goal of winning a nonexistent postseason Corsi Trophy.

Hopefully Phil Kessel will get this coach fired, just like he did with the last one, and the Leafs can get back to playing hockey.