LEBRON JAMES HAS RUINED BASKETBALL

By | July 10, 2015

It was fun while it lasted folks, but I regret to inform you that basketball has been completely ruined by LeBron James.

Don’t get mad at me, though — I’m just the messenger. The news of basketball’s demise at the hands of “King” James was originally reported by The Denver Post‘s Mark Kiszla in a tweet:

Now I know it might be hard to believe, but the take he linked to is even more scorching hot than the tweet. I won’t repost the whole thing here, but it really is worth a read, so go ahead and give it a click (WARNING: Please make sure your computer/phone is at the very least fire resistant before clicking through).

I mean look at how Kiszla starts this take:

The NBA has a problem. His name is LeBron James.

The league has sold its soul to the cult of King James.

Wow. Not just one extremely short paragraph, but two? In a row? Kiszla is obviously Very Serious and has many important words to write in this steaming hot take.

This take — which I file under the “Fuming Hot Stream Of Consciousness Takery” category — dips and dives in so many different directions that by the end, the reader can’t do anything but agree. It’s also executed brilliantly, positing multiple outlandish hypotheticals, allusions to popular culture, and is generally tempered with an overbearing sense of superiority.

Kiszla’s point in this take makes a lot of sense, too — everything comes to a halt when LeBron James is making a decision. And as a member of the media, Kiszla realized it was his duty to combat the laser-like focus on James by contributing 600 additional words to the already mountainous pile.

Meanwhile…

LeBron James really was quite a magnet for hot takery today. Take a look at this steamer from former NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb:

McNabb was able to jam so much moral outrage and so many ad hominem attacks into this tiny (albeit searing hot) take, that I’m honestly stunned. It’s just so … sublime.

Kiszla and McNabb combined for some really aces LeBron-centric hot takery today, so I jointly award them five Simmons on the take-o-meter.

The Hot Takery Take-O-Meter is based on the “8 Best Practices for Piping Hot Takery”