Internet, we need to talk. I understand that making fun of people for no reason is kind of your thing, but you’ve gone too far with your ridicule of Steve Simmons — a guy who is super reasonable and never says anything outlandish just for the sake of it.

It all started yesterday, when Steve tweeted out this jab at baseball guy Jose Bautista:

Now, I’m no baseball takist, so I’m not really sure exactly what little Steve is referring to there. But I can only assume that it was not exactly good spirited (a real change in character for Steve), because shortly thereafter, the baseball man had this to say:

What a dick. This “Bautista” guy — whoever he is — has a lot to learn. You don’t just go after a legend like Steve Simmons. Show some damn respect.

But the real story here isn’t Steve’s feud with the baseball man. No, it’s the reaction of people who were following the story as it unfolded on Twitter.

See, people are always trying to take down the greats in any field, and a bunch of internet jerks said really mean things to Steve. Luckily, he was given a chance to defend himself on TSN radio yesterday.

Now if you listen to the audio in the above link, one thing will become evident very quickly — Steve is always a victim. He never does, or says anything mean-spirited or downright idiotic. And to be completely honest, his critics know this, which is why they always resort to ad hominem attacks instead of critically analyzing his words and matching them up against the pesky facts.

But don’t take it from me. Here’s a key passage from the takist himself in that interview:

Any time I try to be reasonable, I get jumped all over for things that I don’t think are unreasonable.

If you read Steve’s piping hot column in the Toronto Sun, you know he’s always reasonable. He would never do anything as silly as, say, asking where the critics of Dave Nonis’ offseason moves were mere days into an NHL season.

And it’s exactly that reasonableness that forces Steve’s critics to become a bunch of mean bullies who get their jollies by being jerks:

I would love it if it was a good argument. If it was: ‘why did you say this instead of that’ rather than ‘you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re stupid, you’re a moron.’


I get ‘you’re fat’ every day. It’s the first thing. It’s never ‘ that was a dumb thing to say’ or ‘I completely disagree with you’ or ‘why did you say that.’

I challenge any one of you to find one single piece of critical analysis debunking the words of a Steve Simmons column. It’s not like sites such as Pension Plan Puppets ever offer a careful and reasoned criticism of Steve’s work. Nope, that site is chock full of fat jokes and jabs at his looks.

And it’s not like there’s a website on the internet that uses Steve Simmons’ inaccurate and frankly hilariously wrong words as its bread and butter.

But Steve, perspicacious takist that he is, knows the reason behind why people are such meanies who never have any constructive criticism to offer. It’s because they simply don’t understand #journalism:

The funny thing is it’s like getting journalism lessons, Brian, from people who truly don’t understand it — who we talk to, how it works, how we get our information. You know, people think we just pick these things and make things up out of the blue.

See, Steve has access to the locker room and general managers and coaches and such — you people just don’t get that. He doesn’t just make outlandish statements to drive clicks to his column. And all that access and journalistic integrity has done wonders for his ability to accurately and convincingly take down the forces of Big Corsi better than anyone else.

So please, leave Steve Simmons alone — you people simply never have any valid criticism and are just jerks. Remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.